Allison M. Sullivan
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Inspirations 

I think we have enough material to pull us out of the Word and into the world, so any reflections found here will be sporadic. This is not a blog. I pray that the words found here are always true and kind. I will always try my best to be both. I am human and will likely disappoint you. Luckily we have Jesus! I do not claim in any way whatsoever to have everything right about faith or the Church. The scariest thing about writing for an audience is the published tattoo. I will make mistakes, I will be wrong, I will grow and change my mind and be sharpened by the Lord and by you. And praise God for that! Praise God that we can never have Him all figured out, all at once, nice and neat. But let’s never quit trying. Come try beside me. And let’s count on changing together.

Self Promotion and the Heebeejeebies

3/23/2019

1 Comment

 
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I have a problem with self-promotion. The smell of it even, gives me the heebeejeebies.
I don't want to use the world's methods to tell you about the things I'm doing, my podcast. I want you to stumble upon it and fall in love with my friends and with story and be transformed by the Lord.


But, I know how this game works – likes, clicks, retweets, shares, an ego-driven, narcissistic, Make-A-Name-For-Yourself-Rock-Star Culture where other people are assets, opportunities, and being INFLUENTIAL is the goal, and being famous here instead of There is the secret desire of a greedy, grabbing heart. That's the hustle. Right?


It terrifies me to come across that way. I feel I can't risk it. 


Am I the only one who finds this hard? Is there a clean way to talk about God while we share our work for Him? These are real questions.


I annoy myself greatly. I go through periods where I want to sneak off into the woods for a life of near solitude to avoid watching the government self-destruct. Then I go through other periods where I want to live in one giant social experiment and join a commune.


My perception of myself with all these discrepancies is about as reliable as a carnival mirror. How I see myself is simply not accurate to truth. I exhaust myself trying to find balance.


Which is why I need my pack. I desperately need trusted people in my life to tell me true.


After a long coffee date with a sister this morning, I know that I want to work on my craft and sit back and let God handle the rest. God can raise me up if he chooses. Meanwhile I will vacillate between wishing He would and begging He won't. (Hermit/Commune--I'm exhausting.) But the bottom line is that I AM A SERVANT. And servants don't make names for themselves. 


I am not claiming to do this promotion thing perfectly. I am a squirmy hot mess. And I keep trying to slip into the woods. But, God is most glorified when we are most satisfied in Him, and friends, I am so happy doing this work.


I have seen God's hand in my life and the lives of my friends and it feels backwards to not shine a light on it. I pray you see my heart.


Meanwhile, I will keep looking to my role models who seem to have found a comfortable place between squirmy and grabbing, as a poet I love says, telling their stories and telling them true.

1 Comment
Lisa Kotasek
5/19/2020 08:27:08 am

I love your writing. You handle the self-promotion like a champion. The world needs to hear what you have to say. I loved hearing you speak at Genius 2020! Thank you for your ministry!

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